10 Month Surgiversary

I celebrated my 10 month surgiversary two days ago. How time flies!  I don't have a weight loss update for you, as I haven't weighed myself. The last time I did, the scale hadn't moved. What's up with that?! Inches are really coming off this week. I can see a change in my clothes from day to day. I have less and less to wear! 

Here's what's new:  My stomach has gotten more sensitive. I tried a new sweetener--Stevia . It made me sick. Coffee makes me feel sick, early  in the morning. Weird. Very weird. (I'm not throwing up, but feeling nauseated.) I am CRAVING salt, cabbage and broccoli. Yes, those things equal gas so I am stocked up on gas-x. I have been misbehaving. I tried some bready things. My stomach doesn't like them. Still. I should learn not to try them at all. I am walking most nights now. It's too cold to run- makes me wheeze. I hope to go back to running soon. One more thing--My joints have been achy. I think my bones are having to adjust to less weight, new gait. More activity....

Anyway, that's my update. I am feeling awesome and looking forward to more and more changes. Thank you God for being with me through this journey!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

9 month Photo

So they are super late (phone wouldn't post) , but here's me at 9 months. Woohoo!

I had to use new picture clothes as my other outfit is too big now. That is nuts!

Plateau Over?

So this morning I weighed myself and I lost 3 lbs since yesterday for a total of 81 lbs lost. Woohoo! Hey-hey! Yes!  I'm a little excited. Can't you tell?! Here's to hoping I'm over my 6-9 month plateau. Happy Sunday y'all!

9 Months!

I can't believe how quickly this past month has gone by. I never took my 8 month photos. It was just too much to write and talk about myself when I was mourning the loss of my Lucy. I still miss her, but the pain is not suffocating me any more.

On to this month, I will update pictures later this week. My computer and phone are not wanting to sinc right now. Boo!

What's new? A lot, and not so much at the same time. I haven't lost a ton of weight this month but OMG inches are coming off. I am down for a total of 77 pounds. Feels awesome! People are starting to make comments about me being "skinny," which I can't help but correct. Size 14 is not skinny, but I appreciate the compliments. Of course, you can actually see my waist now, so that makes me look thinner...hahaha!

The most common question I get asked: Do you have more energy? Strangely enough, the answer to that is, no--not really. It's 6:41 pm right now. So far, I came home from work, took my Toby on a walk, filled an order of 4 dozen cupcake wrappers/packaged it/got it ready to mail (check out my shop https://www.etsy.com/shop/Rachelcakes?ref=search_shop_redirect) , ate dinner, cleaned the kitchen including the stove top and microwave, put the clean dishes away, took out the trash and recyclables, put on a pot of coffee, checked my banking and now started writing. I've done quite a bit in a short time.....but I would have done this before surgery. The only difference is that I may have taken 15 minutes and sat down to rest a bit before getting busy. I am not a couch potato kind of person. I can always think of things to do or organize. In regards to my energy--by the end of the evening, I don't feel so exhausted, so that must mean some improvement, but not significantly so.

I think that the most noticeable thing for me right now is that I feel more "me" and more "free" than ever before. I didn't realize that for every excess pound I was carrying, I had an equal "pound" of guilt, of shame, of failure. The weight of those three things are gone, completely. Let me tell you, it feels AMAZING.  For anyone judging someone who is overweight or someone who has had weight loss surgery--I beg you to please stop. You don't know what it's like, the path we've traveled or what's caused us to be where we are. Fat people are not all lazy slobs. Fat people are some of the most accepting, loving, giving, caring people I know. Often times, they are people who are so busy caring for others that they don't make time for themselves. For my fat friends, I have two requests of you: #1. Please love yourself. You were created by our Father, fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not defined by a number on the scale. You have meaning and purpose. You are special.  #2. Please do whatever it takes to get healthy. I'm not talking about being stick thin or even losing weight. Just. Be. Healthy. Avoid diabetes. It kills. I've seen it firsthand. And I love you enough to tell you that I don't want you to lose life or limb because of uncontrolled diabetes. Please, love yourself enough to do whatever it takes to be a good steward of the body God has entrusted to your care.

As I end tonight, I want to express my gratitude for all of the ladies who have gone before me on this weight-loss surgery journey, who have given me advice and encouragement, who have listened to me and checked in with me. Thank you ladies! You all hold special places in my heart. To my family--your support means the world to me. To my husband--truly, you are the wind beneath my wings. To my Father--thank you again and again and again for your grace and mercy, lavished so freely on one so undeserving.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

8 Months. Still no Photos. Missing my Dog.

I am sorry to say that I haven't taken my 8 month photos yet. I guess that means my 8 month photos will be my 8 1/2 month photos. Here's what's happened. Saturday, 10/18/14, I had to put my sweet dog, Lucy, down. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I couldn't let her suffer any longer, so my husband and I made the decision to let her go. My house, my home, my heart--we feel her absence. Toby, my other dog, is doing okay. He misses his sister. We are adjusting and trying to find our new  "normal." One of the interesting things that happened with Lucy's passing--I lost my appetite AND thirst. I had no desire whatsoever to drink a glass of water, or a cup of tea, or my favorite Kuppa Joy from Kuppa Joy in Old Town Clovis. My heart was so heavy. It hurt! I felt like I couldn't breathe, like a weight was on my chest. Slowly but surely, I am prodding along. I am trying to build back my strength and energy. Toby and I are enjoying brisk 1 mile walks in the cooler weather. Hopefully we will start running again this week. That's all for now.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

P.S. I am down 76lbs now!
P.S.S. Enjoy this picture of my Lucy.

8 Month Surgiversary

OMG today is 8 months! I didn't have time to take updated photos--they will have to wait until this weekend. I am still down the same weight....actually today I'm bloated so I'm down 72lbs with water weight. That's my fault for eating processed lunch meat. That stuff makes my hands, legs and feet swell up, no matter how much water I drink! I expect to see a loss on the scale, soon, because I am shrinking. My closet is pathetic--I own NO work pants and almost NO work shoes. I am going to have to get rid of all of my boots--that makes me sad, especially for my gorgeous, distressed Dan Post cowboy boots that my mom bought me for my 30th birthday. I am going to try wearing those with 3 pairs of socks to see if my foot will stay in them. If  not, I'm bringing them to work for a friend to try on.

So.... 8 months ago today I went in for surgery. At this time 8 months ago, I was sick of being in the hospital, making David walk with me so that I could get out of there! Being in the same hospital room that my uncle almost died in didn't help, either. Not the best memories in that room. And a VERY uncomfortable bed. Anyway, I still have NO regrets. I wouldn't change a thing. On second thought, maybe I would have taken a whole month off work--that might have been the only change. And that's because my job is so emotionally draining--I didn't realize that it would affect me physically. Otherwise, I am one happy lady.

Once again, I have to give God thanks for helping me through this, for leading me, for guiding me, for directing my path. He is faithful and true!

I wish you all the best evening. I will be sure to post photos this weekend. I hope you can see the difference!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Follow-up on the Fair

I forgot to share this last night. Grilled chicken on a stick!

My Trip to the Big Fresno Fair

I went to the Big Fresno Fair today for the first time in a very, very long time. If you know me, you know that I DO NOT like large crowds. None the less, I went with work to help out with one of our day programs. At least, that was the plan. We walked a lot, and sweated even more. What I was most interested in was--you can probably guess--the food. Fair food smells amazing. Garlic fries, gigantic corn dogs, cinnamon rolls, BBQ sandwiches, cotton candy--lines of people waited to get their deliciousness on. I, however, was dreading lunch time. What could I eat? It seemed like EVERYTHING was dipped in batter and fried. They even had fried frog legs for goodness sake! Luckily, I found a nice little food truck that offered some grilled options. Today, for the first time ever, I had grilled chicken on a stick. It was $7.50 for a large skewer of nothing but chicken. The amount of chicken could feed me for 3 meals, so I wrapped up my leftovers and stuck them in my purse. Yes, I had chicken, on a stick, in my cute Betsey Johnson purse. Back to the moral of the story. Well, the moral of the story is this, the chicken was delicous. I mean, SO YUMMY. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate it. I wouldn't have even tried it. I probably would have eaten one of those giant corn dogs and a cinnamon roll, then spent all night sick to my stomach. And that feeling, it is so not worth it.

Here is what I learned today. Food can be a sort of idol. The way people were eating was CRAY. And I've done that before, many times.  For me, I don't want to live to enjoy food. I want to eat to fuel my body. I want to be strong. I want to avoid that sick feeling from over eating or from eating junk, forever. I'm not perfect. I am still working on it, and will be working on it for the rest of my human life. Today, I am thankful for chicken on a stick. Who knew eating could feel so good?!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Pounds Hanging On for Dear Life!

Next week I will be celebrating my 8 month surgiversary and I really, really, REALLY want to  be at an 80 lb weight loss. The reality is, the number doesn't matter.....but I would LOVE to see 80 lbs gone. That right there is a sign of my OCD--I want the 8 in 80 for my 8 month surgiversary. I have to confess that it'll be a long shot if I make it. My weight loss for months 5, 6, 7 has slowed down, almost to a crawl. To date, I am down 73 lbs. That's still a crazy amount of weight loss, right?! Yesterday I bought a dress in a size 12. OMG it has been about 9 years since I wore a 12! That's the smallest size I've every been. It's pretty amazing to think that I won't be stopping there. Today I got new shoes in a 7 1/2. A 7 1/2! I used to wear a size 8 1/2 to 9. Regardless of the number of pounds that I lose by next Tuesday, I know that I am doing great and feeling great. Inches are dropping off, so I know that the pounds are hanging on for dear life......but they are about to lose their grip and fall to their deaths. Haha!  I saw this quote on Facebook and I feel it, exactly--Fat, prepare to die.

Food update: I am in love with Valencia peanuts from Costco and also the roasted almonds from Costco. If I am low on energy, I eat about an ounce of one of those, and then I'm pepped up again. I have confirmed that tortillas = bad for my stomach. Just one bite of tortilla feels like there's a giant boulder in my stomach. Since my stomach is roughly the size of an egg, that's saying something! I still do not like fruit, although cherries are tolerable. I cannot stand peanut butter anymore. Ick!  Too sweet, even the natural kind. I still enjoy green veggies--broccoli, spinach, green beans, cabbage--but in small portions. Very small portions to be exact.

Activity update: I still hate working out. I know I say that every time I write about my activity. I just don't like it. I don't like the feeling of my heart rate increasing. I don't like the feeling of sweat. I get afraid that I'll have an asthma attack. Even with those complaints, I recognize that my body needs intense activity. That's why, startig today, I am training with my husband for  a half marathon. Running is NOT easy for me. I can do a lot of things with decent endurance, but not running. Tonight I only made it about 1/4 mile. Well, that's a start.

Now it's time for some down time before the crazy work week begins.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

7 Month Surgiversary

Today is 7 months since my surgery. It feels so awesome! I didn't weight myself this week because I've been too obsessive about it, but I can say that I know I've lost at least 71 lbs and this week I have shed several inches in my stomach/waist area.  I have 4 garbage bags full of clothes or shoes to take to Salvation Army. While that's a good thing, I am sad to see some of my clothes go and I am super sad to see my cute boots go bye-bye. I will have to buy new ones, but I'm waiting on that until I am closer to goal weight. I think I'm a 7 1/2 shoe now, which is weird because in high school I wore a 9 1/2. I don't think that's normal, but it is what it is.

Here's what's new at 7 months:

• I can eat more. I am up to about a 1/2 cup of most foods. Some things are better than others, but I am really trying to get  1/2 cup in , per doctors' orders.
• My hair is hardly falling out at all. Just a few strands a day instead of a few strands every 5 minutes.
• I am eating carbs.  They still don't taste all that great, but I feel good about having a little every now and then. I still do not like anything sweet and want to mainly eat spicy or savory foods. I find myself wanting to add pepper, chili powder or rooster sauce to everything. 
• My energy level is better. I have been staying up super late, which is SO not me, but it's because I find myself working on things around the house and just can't stop. I am making a huge effort to get at least 6 hours of sleep in per night, preferably 7 hours.
• I cannot wear plus size tops anymore. They are too big! 
• I feel amazing about my progress.

So, here I am, 7 months out. I have no regrets. If I keep up my current rate of weight loss, I will be at my goal weight by my 1 year mark. That's what I am hoping for! I am so thankful for God's provision and that He lead me down this path and is leading me on this journey.

Here's to a night filled with love, peace and joy,
Rachel

Latest Milestone: 71 lbs Down

Yesterday I felt like I could see my wrist bones for the first time in a long time...so I weighed myself this morning and I am officially down 71 lbs! Woohoo! I am having to give away my weight loss clothes, as they are now too big for me. More shopping to fit in my budget...........

I feel great and feel like I actually look like I've lost a lot of weight now. I had some issues that prevented me from working out very much over the last couple of weeks. Yesterday I hit the gym and was so glad to see that my heart rate remained stable, in spite of the sweat dripping in my eyes.  I had a great work out and am looking forward to getting 5 more days in this week, toning up and burning fat. I still hate the gym and don't like to exercise, but it's necessary. I think of it being like a prescription that I have to take if I want good health. And  I do want good health, and to prevent saggy skin. Haha! That's the truth! Please, no bat wings!

Tonight, as I wrap up my busy day off and prepare for another week of work, I am grateful--grateful for my family, especially grateful for my husband, grateful for the opportunity I had to go through this surgery, grateful to be alive, grateful for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Here is to another great week!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

6 Months and 66 Lbs

Keeping My Hair

Well I have found a wonderful product for my hair, so I can keep it from falling out in large chunks. Nioxin rocks! Yes, it is expensive. It helps that my sister is a cosmetologist so she can get it for me at her cost. I hear that the hair loss stops around 9 months, as long as my nutrition needs continue to be met. We will see. I am reaching 6 months and it is slowing down, but I notice a huge difference in how my scalp feels when I don't use this product. Without it, I feel inflammation and the inflamed parts are where the hair is falling out in chunks. When I use Nioxin daily, my scalp feels clean and "normal."  Lately I've been getting a lot of compliments on how shiny my hair looks. One girl at work came up to me and said "wow, your hair looks so healthy." She seemed a little shocked. Not sure why she would be shocked by that, but I can accredit it to the one change in my hair care regime, Nioxin.

Oops...I had a piece of pizza

I was a very bad girl this week. I ate a small piece of pizza...crust and all! To be honest, it tasted just okay. I don't think I'll eat it for a long, long time. It didn't satisfy me. I was full, but needed more protein. I don't get dumping syndrome, but I don't like the feel of bread in my stomach. I now have a natural aversion to it, without the throwing up or diarrhea that other people have to suffer through.

The moral of the story is: Don't waste calories on fluff. It's  not worth it and doesn't taste good anymore.

Hopefully I will remember this the next time pizza is the only food in the house. How about I don't let pizza be the only food in the house?! I'm stocked up on tuna and healthy chicken salad now, and as long as I have eggs, I am happy. And Canadian bacon. Yum!

Still no more weight loss, but I am shrinking. I am down another pant size. Woohoo!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

What's going on?

I don't know what the deal is, but today I am SOOOO tired. I came home from work and napped for quite a while. I don't want to get up or move, but I made myself eat a little so I could take my multivitamin. I haven't been this tired since I first went back to work after having surgery. Here's to hoping that my body is going through another burning fat stage! Of course, I could just be tired from the extreme heat and bad air quality. I will hit the scale tomorrow....we shall see!

On that note, I am going to head to bed  now. It's not even 9pm yet!

Peace, Love and  Joy,
Rachel

Who Needs Bread?!

Today I tried something that the Nurse Practitioner at ALSA recommended.....replacing bread with sliced cucumber. I made some yummy tuna salad (albacore white tuna with a dash of olive oil mayo, celery, onion, pepper and a little pickle juice). I sliced up an English cucumber and topped a  few pieces with the tuna salad. OMG it was so yummy! Don't get me wrong, of course it tastes NOTHING like freshly toasted sourdough bread; however it gave me some crunch that I have been missing as well as a little added nutrition.

I've been thinking a lot about life without bread. I've come to realize how much I've really been freed from the craving to eat bread. I don't need it, don't want it, don't have to worry about it making me fat again. Now that I can, I did try  whole grain bread with some ham and an egg. It tasted just okay. It wasn't great. It wasn't fulfilling. I realized that I am not missing out on anything. I don't need it in my life. That is so WEIRD and COOL. I tried for so many years to cut out carbs, but I couldn't do it. It's like my body was sabotaging itself. Now, it's not a problem.

This whole journey is so mental. It's more mental than physical in my opinion. The mind/body/spirit connection is so much stronger that I ever imagined. Seriously people, deal with your inner stuff. It is affecting your outside as much as the inner you.

In case you wanted to see it, here is a picture of my dinner.

Yeah, I am totally not a food photographer, or any kind of photographer really. I just take a picture and that's that.

On another note, on Friday I saw myself in a mirror while shopping at one of my favorite stores, Kirkland's. I was shocked at seeing the new me, so I put on my silly face and took a selfie. (So you know, I am not one of those pouty lips sexy pose kind of people).  I thought I'd share it here, since I am using this to journal my story. So.....TADA! Here I am bravely wearing skinny jeans. The nice thing about skinny jeans is that they hold all of my loose fat in, so it's not so jiggly when I walk. Haha! Sorry if that's too much information. It's the truth and nothing but the truth.

Here's to 64lbs down and another 60 to go!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

New Faves

My family knows how much I disliked meat before surgery....now it's all I want to eat.  One of the most repulsive things to me used to be tuna. Now, I have found tuna that I absolutely love and can eat by itself. In fact, I keep it stocked at my office, for those just in case moments.  Here is a link to my new treat Starkist Hickory Smoked Tuna Packet. I just rip the pouch open, dump the tuna on a paper plate and enjoy. Now, I'm sure there are other ways to eat this that include fantastic recipes. I am more of a minimalist--I like it plain. Maybe you won't like it, but I do.

My other new favorite is a non-meat source of protein. I am so in LOVE with this. I can't keep it stocked in my refrigerator. I've got my sister addicted, too. Dannon Light and Fit Yogurt in Strawberry Cheesecake is so delicious! Sometimes I actually think that I can taste the cheesecake crust. Yum! If you don't like Greek yogurt in general, then you probably won't like this. I like to add some chopped pecans to this just to get a little extra protein and Omega 3's.

I am still allergic to Whey so most protein shakes don't work for me. I don't want to get too much soy in my diet, so I try to stay away from shakes. It can be a challenge to get my 60 grams in per day and meet my calorie requirements, but I will keep pressing on. Food is fuel, but I want to enjoy it too! I hope you enjoy trying my new faves.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Unwanted Attention and Doctor's Visit

Here's the scoop on what happened recently. So, I have this dress. It's a Maxi dress with an elasticized waist. The top half is striped and the bottom is solid. It really shows off my much smaller waist line. I wore this to work and decided I will never wear it again. Here's why: people kept stopping me in the hallway and telling me how great I looked. AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT! I didn't like the attention. I didn't like the attention to my body. Somehow I felt exposed and really awkward. This was a first for me. Don't get me wrong, a compliment usually makes me feel great, but on this day, not so much. I haven't psychoanalyzed this yet, but all I know is that I am retiring my dress for weekend use only....at least for a while.

On a different note....I had my 5 month check-up with the surgeon's office. The nurse practitioner was so positive and encouraging. She says I am doing fantastic, on the right track and shrinking up nicely. I have lost 37.8% of my body fat. WOW! I can now have carbs, but they will slow my weight loss down. Not sure that I want to eat them. I want to get to my goal! Speaking of goal weight, the nurse practitioner now wants me to be between 150-160, not 140-145. I am happy with this new range, as 140 seemed impossible--I've only ever dreamed of being that thin! We will just see where my body settles and accept whatever weight that ends up being.

Another encouraging thing I learned--5 months is a normal plateau mark for weight loss. What's going on with my body, the shrinking with minimal pound loss, that's normal. In another month or so I'll see the pounds falling off again. So excited!

On that note, I will exit now. Wishing you a wonderful, happy Friday!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

5 Months

Today is my 5 month surgiversary! It's been quite the adventure so far. I was sitting back, thinking about how many changes I've gone through so far, feeling so happy and excited. I think I probably write this every time, but I don't regret my surgery at all. Not one bit. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I'm in a good place right now, in spite of the chaos that comes with living.

For the last couple of weeks, my weight loss has been almost non-existent. Now inches have been falling off. That's a great thing, but I like to see the pounds go down too. This morning, I showed a weight gain. This evening I showed a weight loss, putting me down to 63 lbs total. Wowzers! That's a lot of weight.

Several people continue to ask if my energy level has improved. I have to confess--it hasn't. What I have noticed, however, is that I am in better shape. For example, I did a high intensity work out on the elliptical machine this evening, for 30 minutes. I barely broke a sweat and I had a hard time getting my heart rate up. Considering that the last time I used this machine I was literally dripping sweat in to my eyes, I'd say this is a huge change.

My normal walking speed has also changed. I walked the dogs on my "normal" speed last night. For one mile it took us under 15 minutes. It used to take us 25 minutes. I'm guessing on my "fast" speed we would make it in 10-12 minutes. I can tell you right now, that's way faster than I can run 1 mile!

Now, in honor of my weight loss and my 5 month surgiversary, I am posting pics for the first time. Yikes this is scary! I've included my morning of surgery photos and my 5 month photos. I've still got a long way to go.

Morning of Surgery 2/14/14/Front View

Morning of Surgery 2/14/14/Back View

Morning of Surgery 2/14/14/Side View

5 Months 7/14/14/Front View

5 Months 7/14/14/Back View

5 Months 7/14/14/Side View

 Sharing my "before" pictures is SO darn scary! That was me at my heaviest, EVER. The good news is...I'll never look like that again. I'll never feel like that again. I'll never think like that again. I'm on a journey, in a process of becoming brand new. This whole newness started from the inside out.  I am so grateful to God that He never gives up on me. All of those ugly things inside of me--He helps me get rid of. He is making me beautiful from within. And I am OH SO HAPPY! I do want to be clear on one thing--thin does not equal beauty in my eyes. This isn't about me being more beautiful on the outside because I'll be smaller. It's just that on this journey, I've realized I've been holding on to some ugly things like shame and pride. As I let go of these things, I become more and more free within. There is a correlation between my weight loss and my inner spiritual and emotional journey. I don't know if any one else can relate. This is just what's going on with me. It feels great!

Tonight, I pray that you would know the peace and freedom that comes from knowing Jesus Christ. I truly believe that He lead me to the right surgeon at the right time, for the true "Me" that He created, to finally be.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

20 Weeks

I know, I've been way behind on my writing. Sorry! I  can't believe that yesterday was 20 weeks. Wow! Time is going by so quickly.

The biggest "new" thing for me is that I can wear my wedding ring now, every day. It's such  a nice feeling and I'm so happy about it that I took a picture to share.....please ignore my need for a manicure. 

I haven't lost too much more weight. I'm down 60lbs, but the inches are coming off, especially from my stomach/hip/butt area. It is so nice to be able to buy clothing at a "regular" store now. My options have expanded as well as my budget. Plus size clothes are SOOOOO expensive!

There aren't too many other new things to share. I feel great. I'm looking healthy.  I am happy. Still, no regrets at all. Happy Independence Day weekend!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

"P" is for......

Plateau. Merriam-Webster defines the word plateau as:  " a large flat area of land that is higher than other areas of land that surround it" ;  "a period when something does not increase or advance any further." For my purposes, we will go with definition #2.

This week, I am most definitely not seeing an increase in my weight loss.  I am EXACTLY the same. It's kind of frustrating, but at the same time, I know that it'll catch up to me eventually.  I would love to see it keep falling off, 3 pounds at a time. I want to get to my destination, but my body is telling me to cherish and learn from each step on this journey.  

This plateau situation is one reason why I was not successful at losing weight prior to surgery. I would be so strict, following every guideline and rule, for months at a time. Then, when I would see no loss for a month or two, I would become so discouraged that I would give up and go back to my normal, non-depriving ways. By non-depriving I don't mean binge eating or junk food eating. I just ate when I was hungry. I ate good things, but obviously too many good things.

Now that my stomach is gone, I can't go back, nor do I want to. I love not feeling hungry all of the time. I love the fact that I feel good inside. I love the fact that  I won't become diabetic. So today, as I take a vacation day, a "me" day, I will be thankful for where I am at. 55 pounds are gone. I have gone from a size 24/22 to a size 16, depending on the cut and style. I am wearing shorts today for the first time in decades. What a nice place to be.

Have a lovely day. Take a good look at all of the good things in your life. Be thankful.

Peace, Love and Joy,

Rachel

The "S" Word......

Hmmm....which word am I referring to? You may get a little creative if you'd like, but I'll go ahead and clarify for you. Any one who has undergone bariatric surgery is familiar with the "S" word and the issues surrounding it.

Skin. What happens to your skin when you lose weight rapidly? For each person, there may be a different answer. For me, it has been quite an interesting transition. My skin has always, always been very dry and sensitive. I will say that the sensitivity has not changed, but the dryness is virtually gone. My calluses are almost completely gone from my feet. My heels are no longer cracked. I don't have to sleep with Heeltastic on my feet every night.  In place of dry, scaly hands, I now have soft, smooth and visibly younger looking skin.

What causes this change? I don't have a scientific answer for that, but I do beleive it's due in part to diet and in part to hormones. I ate very healthy prior to surgery. That may be hard to beleive for some of you, but it's the truth none the less. Could refined carbohydrates cause skin problems? I don't know. Maybe. But to be truthful, I don't really care to know the why. All I am looking forward to is the end result.

Skin. It's our largest organ. It's the first thing you see when you meet someone. I think it's a pretty good idea to take care of it. I have always used a nourishing, organic lotion on my skin. Now I've added organic sweet almond oil to my moisturization process. I mostly added that because I know that my skin is going through some major changes. I am hoping to keep it nourished from the outside, as well as from the inside (via nutrition and vitamins).

I have heard many times that you have to take the bad with the good. Yes, there have already been some "bad" things with the good changes I've experienced. I am starting to see some saggy skin on my upper thighs. I guess that means that I am losing fat there, which is a good thing. I am hopeful that my skin will catch up, in time, and shrink. The other "bad" is the infamous stretch mark. I have found a some white ones on my arms, as a result of weight loss. While I don't like them, I am thankful to be thinning down. I accept them. They are my badges of honor from this battle with obesity. And guess what....I am winning.

So today, I am thankful for my skin. I am thankful for this body that God has created for my spirit to live in. I haven't always appreciated it. I haven't always taken care of it. That makes me sad, but inspires me to be better, to do better, to love more, to cherish. Ever grateful. Always thankful.

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

16 weeks

It's crazy that today is 16 weeks since my surgery. The 14th is technically my 4 month anniversary though.....but I am happy to say that I am down 55 lbs as of this morning. What a fantastic feeling!

I am now really, really needing clothes. I am picking up a few items at a time at discount stores, such as Ross, Marshall's and DD's. I found the cutest top at DD's the other day. The girls at work were shocked that DD's carried something so cute. And I found some adorable capri dress pants at Target in the 70% off rack. They were $8.38. That price made me happy.  I am down to one pair of jeans that I can still wear, one pair of work out pants, two pairs of dress pants and two skirts. Needless to say, I have been doing A LOT of laundry! But it's sooooooooo worth it.

Health wise, I am feeling great. My energy is better than pre-surgery. I am still tired by 9 pm, but that's just my internal clock. I wake up so early in the mornings! I can't help it--been this way since I was a baby. I am proud to say that I am now able to stay up until  10:30 pm on a regular basis. I find myself doing things around the house or crafting from 9 - 10:30.

Let's talk about hair.....OMG I hit the 3 month mark and my hair started falling out. It is creepy how much falls out. I am SO thankful that I have a lot of hair, because it doesn't look thin. I did have it cut short so that it'll grow back easier/look better when it grows back. I am taking biotin and eating my 60 grams of protein every day.

My skin is doing great with the weight loss. I don't have any saggy or flappy arm skin, which I was worried about. I do have jello-jiggly fat, but that's always been the case. I am working out most days, doing all kinds of different things. My favorite thing to do is the elliptical machine. Love that thing!  I still don't like exercising. It's not enjoyable-I can think of numerous other things to clean around the house or organize, but exercise is a necessary evil.

On that note, it's Friday and I am so thankful for the week to end!

Have a great day.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

13 Weeks

Well I am down 51 lbs now. This week my weight has been all over the scale. I am having lots of water retention....most likely from the 100 degree weather. I did have a gallbladder episode last Monday. Talk about pain! Luckily my CT scan showed no stones. I can't forget to take my Ursidol!

I tried a new breakfast this week. Added 2 tablespoons of cottage cheese to my egg, then scrambled. Yum!  Thank you Bariatric Foodie for that recipe. Life is good and I feel great. Let's see what next week brings.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

12 Weeks

Today marks 3 months since my surgery. Crazy! It seems like so long ago, yet not so long ago at the same time. Not too much is new this week. Yesterday I was super tired--so tired that two different people asked me if I was tired. (Yes, I was very, super-dooper exhausted, tired.) This morning I had a 2 lb weight loss, bringing my total up to 49 lbs. Only one pound shy of 50. Woohoo! I woke up today, even more tired than yesterday. I think that my body is finally burning the pounds, instead of the inches. Once again, this week the clothes that I wore last week were WAY TOO BIG on me. My tops, dresses, shoes and pants need replacing. One day this week I wore a skirt with a slip beneath it. That slip fell off while I was walking. That same evening, while I was jogging, my underwear almost fell off. Well, they would have except I was wearing fitted work out pants, which held them up. I officially have a valid reason to SHOP. Sorry, babe, I am going shopping this weekend. I'll try not to spend too much!

My other big accomplishment for this week is the "R" word. That's right, RUNNING. I did interval training--running/walking this week. I ran a block, then walked a block.....and so on. I still hate running, but it was nice to actually be able to run without feeling like I was going to die.

That's all for now.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

11 Weeks

Good morning! It's my Friday off and what a lovely morning it is! The heat hasn't picked up yet so there is a nice, cool breeze blowing through my open windows. I am sitting at my computer, enjoying a nice cup of coffee, with my two dogs cuddling at my feet. I am feeling grateful this morning.

Today marks 11 weeks since my surgery--just one week short of 3 months. As of this morning, I am down 46 lbs. It feels great! I am shrinking so much. My pants especially are looser on me from one day to the next. I have to confess that I am loving this. It feels so good to say goodbye to the fat that I've been weighed down with for the majority of my life. This saying goodbye is not just goodbye to fat, it's to all of the events, all of the emotions that lead me to indulge in sugary sweetness, that told my body to store and hold on to everything I ate. Goodbye pain, heartache, loss, disappointment, fear, anxiety, worry, strife. Goodbye to insecurity, feelings of worthlessness, sorrow, despair.

There have been some very dark times in my life. I held on to so many things inside of me. I never realized how those emotions that I was holding on to were affecting my physical body. That "holding on" part of me is broken (Thank you God!), and I am letting it all go. It's all shriveling up and disappearing, just like the layers of fat on my body.  I am thankful. I am grateful. I believe with all of my heart that this surgery saved my life, in more ways than just physical.

Today is a brand new day. I am working on the brand new me. Well, maybe it's not the brand new me. It's the me that's been hidden. Reflecting on all of this reminds me of what a great Father I have. No matter what,  He is faithful. He is with me. He loves the real me, in spite of the ugliness. And I don't mean the outside ugliness, but the ugly things that I've held on to inside of my heart.

Today is a brand new day. I am thankful for another day with my handsome, amazing husband. I am thankful for the time that I have with my sisters, my parents, my grandmother. I am thankful for my dogs, my babies, who love me unconditionally.

Today is a brand new day. I am thankful. Are you?

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

10 Weeks

So this past Friday I celebrated 10 weeks since my surgery.  What a great feeling! I am here, healthy and on the track to a normal weight for the first time in my life. I've had a lot of changes over the past 2 weeks. First of all, Friday night was the first night I came home from work and had energy. That's right, I have energy! Woohoo! I am finally noticing a huge difference in that regard. Starting tomorrow night, I'll be hitting the gym much harder, with more intensity. I am so excited!

Another change that's occurred--my clothes are getting BIG! I've stayed the same weight for the last 2 weeks, averaging between 43 and 44lbs lost; however, my clothes seem to get looser every day. It's so weird. I expect to see a loss this week or next week, because I am most definitely losing inches.

Right now, my body is shrinking. My skin is looking great. Although my fat is getting loose or mushy as I like to say, my skin isn't sagging. I am definitely going to be working the weights from now on, on a regular basis.
So far, I have had very little hair loss. No more than my usual. I am very thankful for that! My sleeping habits are back to normal. I'm not requiring 9-10 hours anymore. I aim for 8 hours but usually get about 6 each night.

Food wise, I have been having a really hard time eating breakfast. It hasn't been agreeing with me. Today I didn't eat until 12:30 pm. I know that's not a good thing, so I've got to do some experimenting with foods. I am determined to get my 60 grams of protein in every day. That can be a challenge if you skip a meal! Especially since my stomach isn't tolerating more than around  1/3 cup of food at a time. Protein is something I NEED. I am determined to get it in.

While surgery is not for everyone; It was right for me. I still have no regrets. The surgeon's office wants me to lose another 81 lbs. That is crazy! I can't even imagine what I'll look like. I have been taking monthly pictures. Eventually, when I get more comfortable with them, I will share them on here. It's amazing to see how  much I've changed in such a short time period.

With that said, it's time for me to catch up on Signed, Sealed, Delivered--a great Hallmark series!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Already 2 months?!

Good morning!

Today I am  writing about my 2 month milestone, which I hit yesterday. Woohoo! In some ways, time has passed so very quickly, and then it sometimes feels like my surgery was a long time ago.  I am still happy with my decision and don't regret it one bit.

Here is what's new:

First of all, the scale says I have lost 41 lbs. Yay! This week I could really tell that I am shrinking. The clothes that I wore last week were much looser on me. In fact, I think I am losing more inches than pounds right now.  I wore my favorite black skirt last week. This week, when I wore it, it almost fell off while I was walking down the hallway at work. Big change since last week! And unfortunately, time to retire my skirt. I loved that skirt too....

Secondly, my hair is starting to fall out a bit. Now, it's nothing scary. It's the same amount that always falls out when I am stressed. To be honest, I have a lot of stress in my life right now, so it could be stress related, or surgery related, or both. Work has been crazy, my uncle passed away last week and my husband's family is going through some really difficult stuff right now. No matter the reason for my hair loss, I am not worried about it. I don't have any bald patches, so that's good, right?!

I feel like my emotions are better under control; HOWEVER I still don't handle stress well. Stressful situations literally suck the energy out of me. I come home after a bad day at work and I can hardly stay awake to drive. My energy is a zero. With that said, on those days I cannot do my exercise routine. All I can do is sleep. If I push myself, then I end up feeling like I'm getting sick. So, it's just one of those things that I am adjusting to. I have said this several times, but it's like my fat was a barrier to stress. Now that it's going away, I feel like I'm losing my defense against stress. Weird. Very weird. I really need to be praying for direction regarding my job. I am waiting it out until August, which is when I am 100% healed/can eat anything (that I can tolerate).

Speaking of food, let me tell you about that. I am still in shock over how much this surgery has changed my taste buds. I still don't like fruit or anything that might taste sweet. All I want is hearty, savory foods. Bread still sounds gross. So does dessert. I am still in awe of that. I thought I would want to eat those things, but just not be able to. Now they  just sound gross. I mostly have been wanting to eat a lot of beef--ground beef, shredded beef, thinly sliced beef. That's probably because my body is craving it. Which is still weird because, as I've said before, I rarely ate beef before surgery.  Other than that, I am enjoying my food and I feel like I am really tasting it for the first time. I still don't have hunger cravings. In fact, yesterday I didn't eat breakfast until almost 10:30 am. That is crazy! I ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS ate breakfast first thing in the morning. Not now. I do better if I wait a bit because my stomach seems to be kind of sensitive in the morning.

Overall, life is good.  I am blessed. I feel good. I look good--meaning I don't look sick or like I just had major surgery. I am thankful.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Week 7

Life has been so busy. Seven weeks came and went with no major changes. Down  38 lbs and feeling awesome!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

6 week Stall

So this past Friday marked 6 weeks since I had my surgery. Overall, I'm doing really well. The only downside to this week is that I didn't loose anything. Boo! But I have read lots of blogs about this, and it seems that it's really normal for my body to come to a weight loss stall. It's trying to adjust to the 33lbs it's lost so quickly. I most definitely have lots inches this week. My jeans are very lose on me. I had to get rid of several shirts because they were literally falling off my shoulders. I am shrinking and that makes me happy. 

Food wise, I have eaten a lot of different things. So far, the only thing that doesn't sit well are the pintos and cheese from Taco Bell. I ate them because I was in a time crunch and needed fuel. Ick! They did not go down comfortably. The other thing weird that happened is that I drank some iced tea and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I think it was just too cold, because I drank some more 30 minutes after I ate, and I was fine.

Work has been really stressful, and I am seriously evaluating whether or not I should continue on as a social worker.  It's something I am praying about. To be completely honest, if I could afford it, I would probably take a month off  to look into other employment options, such as starting my own business. Anyway, this is another thing I am working through right now. It's not that I have a bad job--quite the contrary actually. My new body is just not handling stress very well. Anyway, I will most definitely share my thoughts on this later.

Time to get ready for church.

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

5 Weeks

So Friday I celebrated 5 weeks since my surgery. So far, I am down 33 lbs. Woohoo! 

Here is what I've learned this week: Eating a hard boiled egg, without it being mashed up, can be painful. Drinking iced tea too fast makes me want to throw up. Walking over a mile is not possible without a long nap afterwards. And most importantly, taking a zinc lozenge will make my stomach very sick.

I am getting rid of shirts that are way too big. My clothes are feeling nice and loose, so are my shoes.Overall, it's been a great 5 weeks. Thank you, God!

Until next time!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

1 Month

Yesterday I made it one month! I have lost 28 lbs and a whole lot of inches. As of yesterday, I am now able to eat most anything except breads/refined sugar. I am SOOOO craving beef--ground beef, a  hamburger patty, carne asada. Just thinking of it makes my mouth water. (This craving is weird for me since I RARELY ate beef prior to surgery. I mostly only ate turkey and chicken.)  Today for lunch I had ground beef in spaghetti sauce with a tiny dash of cheese on top. It was delicious and I feel so full and satisfied from my 1/3 cup portion. Now I need to focus on getting my water in.

I am still only walking for exercise. By the time I finish my walk, I am exhausted. I am hoping that after this week, with my added protein, I will be able to start some resistance training and that I'll have more energy.

Overall, I feel great and am so glad I made the decision to have have surgery. This month has flown by and I am looking forward to another month going by....along with lots of pounds of fat leaving my body. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for being with me on this journey, for Your hand of protection over me and for loving me just as I am.

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

3 Weeks

Good morning! I am excited that I just finished my 3 week milestone. I went to the doctor on Thursday.....drum roll please......I have lost 26 lbs and 15% of my excess body fat. Woohoo! I feel great about this. Overall, things are going really well.

What's new? To be honest, not too much. I am on soft foods for another week, then I finally get to eat meat, veggies and fruit. I am craving meat! I want some of my Aunt Debbie's ground beef, or my favorite turkey sausage, or chicken and mushrooms.  My body needs some protein! Other than than, I am pretty much the same.

My energy level  hasn't really changed too much. One thing I have noticed is that if I am faced with emotional situations, ie a funeral, then I get extremely physically tired. That is new. I never used to get tired over those kinds of situations. I used to be really good at holding my emotions in check and not expressing them, but I find it very difficult to do this. I am not feeling new things--I am not more sensitive, I just used to hide it really well. It's like with each layer of fat that I lose, another layer of my true feelings is exposed and I lose a layer of resistance. I will have to spend some time thinking and praying about that. It's something I find very interesting.

Moving on, I am still needing a lot of sleep. 9 -10 hours per night is perfect. For someone who used to sleep 5-6 hours a night, this is a huge change. I anticipate that this will change again once I begin eating protein and my energy level goes up. We'll wait and see.

That's all I have to share for now. I am going to do something "normal" for Saturday...hit the grocery store, Costco then Target after I have unloaded groceries. Have a great weekend!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

Back to Work

I went back to work yesterday. I had a great day! I had a lot of visitors at my cubicle. Let me say that I have some amazing coworkers. I was reminded again that I am so blessed that God brought me here to work. My energy was fine all day and through the evening....but I felt exhausted this morning. None the less, I am here, ready to work. On that note, it's time for me to sign on and get my type on.

Peace, LOVE and Joy,
Rachel

2 Weeks

I am officially 2 weeks post-op and doing great! I'm down 22lbs, which is crazy to think about. I am noticing the weight loss now. Besides getting my face back, I can see it in my arms and back. Soon I will have no more back fat! Yahoooooo!

Enough about my body image stuff, let's get down to how I am feeling. First of all, I have had no problems with my new foods. I have taken one extra bite a few times, and felt it, but so far no vomiting. I am really careful to measure out my 1/3 cup of food per meal, take tiny bites with at least 1 minute in between. One of the weirdest things is not having the feeling of hunger. I keep waiting for it to happen, even though it never will. Now, today for example, I did get a little shaky, so I knew I needed food. Other than that, I don't experience the normal being "hungry" like I did before. Very weird, in a kind of cool way.

I am still tired  in the afternoon, but I haven't been napping. I go back to work on Monday, so I am hoping I'll make it through the day. If not, I plan on going home early. I am going to listen to my body and not over-do it. I am determined to be healthy!

Activity wise, I am still only able to walk. I have been walking most every day (except for yesterday when it rained and poured all day).  I am not up to my normal pace yet, but I AM moving and getting my heart rate up, which is important.

Let's see, what else is new.....My incisions are almost 100% healed. I don't feel as much pulling on them as I did (only with quick movements). Unfortunately for my husband, our bed seems to cause me pain. I think it's the pressure on my back, causing pressure on my stomach/incisions. I have been sleeping in the spare bedroom with no problems. I can sleep on my side now, which feels amazing!  I am now one of the cold people who needs lots of layers. That is a huge change as I have always been an inferno, especially at night. I have been sleeping with at least 3-4 quilts on me, with the heater on.

Once again, I have to say that I have no regrets. This has been one of the best decisions of my life. I want to thank God again for having His hand on me. I credit this great recovery 100% to Him.

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

Approaching 2 Weeks

A friend of mine just text me, asking about an update on my blog. I decided to go ahead and write, but the truth is, I don't have much of an update for you today. This past week has gone by smoothly. I had one episode of digestive upset. Note to self: don't take liquid calcium. It was so hard on my new tummy! I ordered some chewable Calcium Citrate from Bariatric Advantage....I am not taking any more chances on other brands. Unfortunately, I have become scale obsessed. I can't help but weigh myself every morning to see what's happening. It's so exciting!  I am down 21 lbs as of this morning. I can see it in my face. I looked in the mirror and said "Wow, I am getting my face back!" My t-shirts are noticeably loser on me, pants are maybe a teeny, tiny bit looser. The other thing I noticed is that my cankles are going away. I actually have an ankle now! Woohoo!

So that's all I have to update for now. Tomorrow or Friday I will have much more to say, as I get to try new foods. Yay! Here is a list of the new foods I can add to my diet: reduced-fat peanut butter, tofu, bananas, low-fat refried beans, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs that are mashed to the consistency of egg salad, yogurt. I cannot wait to have a banana with peanut butter!

On an ending note, I have to say that I am so thankful that I made the decision to have surgery. I have no regrets, and I believe that my recovery has been nothing short of a miracle. All thanks and glory goes to God for His presence and healing touch during this time.

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

1 Week Doctor Visit

This morning I had my 1 week follow up at the doctor's office.  Everything went really well. I absolutely love the nurse practitioner at ALSA! She rocks! My vitals were good. She looked at my tummy and took the steri-strips off. I get to wash them with anti-bacterial soap now, until they are healed. When they are all healed, I'll be rubbing in some Vitamin E and Mederma. The scars are surprisingly tiny. Yay! To be honest though, the scars aren't a priority. I have enough scars on the inside from a lifetime of obesity. What's 5 more tiny lines on my body if it means being healthy and having a bright future?

Okay, so some not so deep stuff.....I got weighed at the office and I lost.....17 lbs...... in 1 week! I am so happy and so excited. The nurse practitioner said that my skin looked really good and it should "shrink right up." Well I hope so, but it's not something I am worried about. I did this for health and my future, not to look like a Real Housewife one day.  (No disrespect to the Real Housewives. I am a Jersey fan. How about you?)

On another positive note, my diet has expanded. I get to have split pea soup, tomato soup, butternut squash soup, thinned Cream of Wheat, plain oatmeal, light yogurt, soy or almond milk, unsweetened applesauce.  YUMMMMM! I had split pea soup for lunch and it was so delicious, and it was satisfying--the creamy warmth felt so good. Ooohhhh, and I stopped by Starbucks on my way home for a tall decaf coffee with soy and 2 Splendas. It felt good to have something that was part of my "normal" routine. Of course, I only drank 1/3 of it, but I am saving the rest for later. I don't care if it doesn't taste fresh. I will finish it!

I go back to work in a little over a week, then go back to the doctor in 2 weeks. I can't wait to see what else has changed! Now I am off to treat myself with a new pair of earrings from my favorite jewelry designers, Silver and Ice Jewelry. You should really check them out at Etsy or on Facebook!!!

Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

New Stuff for Day 4

Yesterday was four days since my surgery, and I had some new stuff happening that I thought I'd share. First of all, I got a little dizzy once. I figured out it was because I hadn't eaten lunch. I was 2 hours late and I think that was my body's way of letting me know it needed some fuel, even if it was just beef broth. The other new thing that happened--I was freezing cold yesterday! The temperature outside had dropped a bit, but this was a different cold, from the inside out. I had a hard time getting warm all day. I hear from other people who have had surgery that this is going to be my new normal. I am praying that isn't so! But if it is, at least I like to layer up. The other interesting thing that happened yesterday--my skin is feeling super soft. I've always had extremely dry, sensitive skin, but yesterday I noticed that my arms and hands feel soft for the first time I can remember. I like this change! Maybe my feet will be pretty and callus-free by the time I reach my goal weight. Maybe not, but a girl can dream, right?! I pulled out my scale, too. Now, my scale is much different than my doctor's scale. I will see what his says on Thursday. According to my scale, I have lost 14lbs. Now, much of that is water weight, I know. I got kinda OCD and weighed myself again today. This morning the scale says that I am down 17lbs. I am just glad to know it's going down, and hoping that when I go to the doctor tomorrow, they let me move to stage 2 foods. I can't wait to eat oatmeal, cream of wheat and applesauce! It's kind of funny how truly excited I am about eating these things. My mouth is watering. Haha! It really is!

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

OMG I did it!

So, the good news...I made it through my surgery on Friday, 2/14/14, at 2:30 pm. Here is a re-cap of what's been going on:

Surgery Day: I woke up super tired from being on liquids only the day before, and fasting all morning. I got to the hospital on time...went through registration twice because they spelled my  name wrong. Then I was taken back to Pre-Op where they reviewed my medical history, confirmed which procedure I was having, then put my iv in and gave me a shot of Heparin to prevent blood clots. Oh, and I got to wear my lovely XXXXXXL gown and hair net thingy. I looked so lovely!  I was wheeled in to the operating room, right on time. I remember them getting me on the operating table and situating my arms. That's all that I remember until waking up. When I awoke in  the recovery room, I had horrible chest pain and couldn't breathe well. I was shivering and cold. My nurse was great--he gave me something to get me warmed up, plus lots of blankets. I was coughing a lot, which scared me. I didn't know that my lungs would be so hard to use. I wasn't expecting that! And of course I was scared that I would go into a full blown asthma attack. In spite of that, I was medicated up so I had no pain. I eventually made it to my room, where my family came to say a brief hello, then left. I was so tired! I had a hard time staying awake, even with nurses in constantly checking my vitals, my heart rate going up and setting off the alarms in my room, and with the uncomfortableness of a catheter. Never the less, I made it thru the night  with lots of walks and 8 hits of my morphine pump in 12 hours. I belched quite a bit, held down my water and walked as much as I could. Around 5:30 am on Saturday, my nurse took out my catheter and told me no more morphine....time to transition to pills. Once that catheter was removed, I wanted to move and move and move....to get the gas out of my body. OMG that gas pressure sucks!  I wouldn't call it pain as much as uncomfortable.

Saturday: We finally made it to lunch time on Saturday. Dr. Higa had made rounds earlier and said that I would be going home today. Unfortunately, my nurse wasn't so great and it took quite a bit of prodding for her to get me out of the hospital. We finally made it home. HOME! It was so nice to be home. At this point, I was in horrible discomfort from the gas. It was settled in my left hip area and around my shoulders. I was really afraid that I would have a heart attack or something. It just felt bad. I walked around my street as much as I could. I finally called my surgeon's office and asked to speak to the doctor on-call about  my pain. He advised taking another dose of Norco, but if I had more pain, he asked that I call back and head back to the hospital.  Thankfully, the Norco did its job and I was able to do my breathing exercises and walk, which helped the pressure go away, drastically. I slept off and on all night and woke up fairly tired.

Sunday: By Sunday morning, I still had my gas discomfort, but I knew that walking would be my only cure. I walked and walked that day, with naps in between. That's pretty  much all that I did. Walked, drank liquids, slept, walked, drank liquids, slept. You get the picture. By Sunday night, I was feeling better. I slept all night! Woohoo!

Monday: Here we are for today. Today was a beautiful, California day. I felt so much better. I had very little gas discomfort and still, NO pain in my tummy! I did get some discomfort when I took sips that were too big. That is no fun! I am still learning not to gulp a yummy drink, like pink lemonade (Crystal Light) or coffee (Pike's Place decaf). Today I got tired of walking my neighborhood. I went to Vons and walked. I went to Starbucks and DD's Discount and walked. I went to Target, Kohl's, Bath and Body Works, and walked. I have very little discomfort at this point and am ready for bed. So far, this recovery has been so much easier than I ever imagined. I am not hungry at all. My drinks/broth/popsicles are totally fulfilling. I am getting my water in with no problems. All I can attribute this to is God. I am thanking Him for carrying me through this and for having His hand upon me throughout this journey, as well as on the road that lies ahead.  Thank you Heavenly Father!

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

It's Gonna Happen

I had a reality check today. It's gonna happen! I had labs and my preoperative visit today. Tomorrow I start liquids...then Friday I have surgery. I am so excited! I gained weight since my last visit, 9 lbs to be exact. I felt really bad about this because I have been working really hard to eat healthily in preparation for my big day. I am blaming it on PMS. Luckily, it's not affecting my surgery, and luckily it didn't go to my mid section...it's on my legs or hips for sure. I am having my last carby meal-thank you Lunas in Old Town Clovis for amazing tortellini. Now for some relaxation before my crazy busy day tomorrow. Yes, this life change, it's gonna happen. And after today, I will never, ever be this weight again. That is a mind blowing thought!
Peace, Love and Joy,
Rachel

p.s. Here is a picture of the fat people chairs at my surgeon's office.

Count Down

In 4 days I will be missing a chunk of my tummy. That's pretty crazy!  Looking forward to lunch today with the girls from work. Love Max's Bistro!  I didn't sleep again last night...thinking about surgery and all of the I wonders again. On a positive note, I got the sweetest present from my coworker today. I am so excited to dive in to it!

Love, Peace and Joy,

Rachel

Nerves

Now that I've had some time to process that in less than 2 weeks I will be going through major surgery....I've had some nerve issues. Those issues being excessive gas and belching. My nervous stomach has had me belching all day long. It is not fun, nor attractive. I am not doubting my decision to have surgery, just having some anxiety over the actual surgery, recovery, etc. I hate iv's and I'm not looking forward to having one in my hand or arm. I don't like the idea of having a tube down my throat or having a catheter. Ick. Blech. Boo. Ouch.

 I keep telling myself, "Rachel, you will be fine. You will get through this. You will recover. You will make it."  Please, God, let me be fine, carry me through this, strengthen me as I recover, help me on the road to health.

Love, Peace and Joy,
Rachel

Preparation

Today starts 11 days of me really hitting it hard...preparing for surgery. I woke up at 3 am, mind racing. Ended up going to the gym by 4:30. The treadmill and I bonded for a while before it was time to go home and get ready for work. I am chugging my cup of coffee, realizing that the next few days are going to fly by. I am going to be crazy busy, preparing for what's to come. I wonder how I'll feel after surgery. I wonder how soon I can wash my hair.  I wonder if I will still be super oily on my face and scalp, or will that change with surgery. There are lots of things I am wondering about today, and I am sure there will be many more things to think about....
Love, peace and joy,
Rachel

Saying Bye

This weekend I said goodbye to some of my favorites...Mexican food, Mickey's frozen yogurt and pizza. It will be a very long time before I taste you again!

Peace, love and joy,

Rachel

The BIG news

So, I got some really big news yesterday. I've been waiting, and waiting, and waiting......for a huge life change. After an entire life time of struggling, I've finally admitted that I can't do this on my own. I keep failing over and over and over again. I've prayed about it countless times, but it's still something I haven't been able to overcome. I'm not lazy. I don't do it when I'm bored or emotional. I just feel hungry a lot. Truly hungry. I've tried every pill, supplement, trick you can imagine. Nothing will take it way. So I am going to have a doctor take it away. Bye-bye hunger producing hormone grehlin. Hello tiny tummy pouch.

Some people feel that bariatric surgery is "the easy way out." I can't disagree more. This is going to be HARD. This is going to be PAINFUL. This is SCARY. But I'm not so proud that I can keep going on the way that I was. I have given 100% effort and failed time and time again. I am not going to live another 33 years like this. This is it, my bottom of the barrel cry for help. I really have peace about this.

I feel like I'm on the right track. I started this whole process in May 2013, and after months of waiting, I found out yesterday that I will be having my Sleeve Gastrectomy on Friday, February 14, 2014. That's just 2 weeks away!

Whether you agree or disagree with my decision, please, just love me and keep me in your prayers. I see this as a tool to help my body get to a normal weight. I have never been a consistent blogger, but I am hoping that this time around I will do better, as I hope to have LOTS of pictures to post. And I will need lots of encouraging words from you all.

Peace, Love and Joy,
 Rachel